A Courageous Little Girl and a Therapist’s Willingness to Lovingly Show Up for Her Always

By Rebecca Donaldson

Many girls around the world experience childhood trauma within their families, including verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, as well as neglect. These adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) often result in feeling untethered, making it difficult to form a clear sense of self and maintain one’s internal light, no matter how courageous. 

 Sadly, some mental health professionals are quick to label these girls when they are older with having ‘borderline personality disorder,’ despite there be nothing disordered about their beautiful personalities. This population’s feelings of sadness and suicidal ideation are frequently met with contempt by the mental health field, and it is not uncommon for providers to wish to rid their caseloads of these women.

 Having been severely harmed as children, this population often searches everywhere for a person who will love them unconditionally in a safe space, free of abuse. Rather than be told their “emotions do not fit the facts” and forced to engage in chain analysis to change “problem behaviors,” I whole-heartedly believe that these women need only safety and attunement. They need someone who is willing to help the little girls inside them realize their worthiness and how wonderful they truly are. It took years for me to find a therapist who could put down their pathologizing lens and provide a safe space for me to share my story, but I can happily say that since finding this, I am standing once again, courageously, with my internal light shining brighter than it ever has. 

Courage. 
You’re worthless!
Courage.
Good luck with that!
Courage.
You’re a sissy!
Courage.
You’re the biggest regret of my life! 
Courage.
Hah! You’re a wimpy girl!
Courage.
Grow up!
Courage.
Fat ass!
Courage.
Stop crying!
Courage.
You baby! 
Courage.
Girls are meant to be seen and not heard!
Courage.
You’re going to study abroad and live with wetbacks? Hah. Good luck with that!
Courage.
I’m not paying for anything!
Courage.
You owe me for all the sacrifices I’ve made for you!
Courage.
You piece of shit!
Courage.
You selfish, narcissistic, brat!
Courage.
Good luck frolicking around the world while I am digging ditches!
Courage.
I am King!
Courage.
I am God!
Courage.
I will be respected!
Courage.
Hi.
Courage.
My name’s Rebecca.
Courage.
I am a woman and proud to be so.
Courage.
I will go to school.
Courage.
I will speak.
Courage.
I’ll find my own way.
Courage.
I’ll make my own money.
Courage.
I’ll keep dreaming.
Courage.
I will stand here proudly.
Courage.
Soy Rebecca. Hablo español.
Courage.
I’m speaking.
Courage.
Eu sou Rebeca. Tudo bem?
Courage.
I said no.
Courage.
I said NO.
Courage.
I stand.
Courage.
I am saying enough.
Courage.
I will live.
Courage.
That little girl is mine now.
Courage.
We will dance.
Courage.
We will sing.
Courage.
She will be cherished for the rest of her life.
Courage. 

She is free now, and so I am.

 

This poem is dedicated to Carissa Karner, a therapist who showed up for me with only warmth in her heart. 

 

Bio

Rebecca Donaldson is a doctoral student in Positive Developmental Psychology at Claremont Graduate University. Her research interests include the bio-ecological model of human development, resilience, mentorship, and narrative identity. Specifically, Rebecca is interested in understanding the resilience of individuals exposed to developmental complex trauma in different contexts around the world. She is passionate about understanding how we can buffer the negative effects of such experiences and/or support healing through intervention work by considering the various systems shaping the person and finding ways to help them flourish through mentorship and other means.